Valentine’s Day for Singles: Introducing Expert Nicole Xiques

As we are approaching Valentine’s Day many of us may be feeling lonely and unsettled about our love lives. February is a great month to start to LUV yourself give back to one self and make sure that you are priority in your life before you head out to find the love of your life.

We are honored to have the amazing Nicole Xiques of the unguarded heart as one of our relationship experts! We were able to sit down and interview her  in this month of Love!

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1.  What is the perfect online dating profile?

The perfect online dating profile is all about representing YOU in the most real and authentic way. Since this is the “first impression” before meeting, it is best to showcase the true essence that is you. Be sure to write a bio that describes what you like, who you are (the best way you can) and what you are truly looking for. Pick pictures of times that you felt your best and were doing things that made you feel genuinely happy. Be confident in who you are and that energy will shine through on a profile.

Question 2: What are some great ideas for a first date?

I am a fan of non-typical first dates. Sure you can go for drinks, coffee or dinner. However, how about doing something like mini-golf, bowling, meeting for a free concert. Do something that while you can get to know each other, it’s an opportunity to enjoy yourself and not have it be such an interview.

Question 3: Can women ask men out? Why or Why not?

I am a believer that women can most definitely ask a man out. Sometimes there are situations where men don’t know if a woman is interested and her making a move and asking them out will give him the sign that she wants to get to know more about him. I think at that point if he accepts and there is interest from both sides, he can take the lead. Woman should be able to stand in their confidence and make their interest known, allowing the man to then show his interest in return.

Question 4: How can you spot a player?

As a woman we have an amazing intuition, yet we always feel the need to give men the benefit of the doubt. If something feels off it usually means it is. I think it can go both way. Sometimes a player can be a smooth talker, telling you exactly what you want to hear when you hear but something inside tells you it doesn’t seem genuine. There are also those I don’t know where I stand guys. They show you some interest and then don’t call you for a few days. They might not necessarily be a player, but they sure aren’t interested in getting to really know you. At the end of the day, your instincts can tell if something doesn’t add up and you really need to start listening to it.

Question 5: How can we cope with heartbreak?

Heartbreak is a real thing. Emotions can affect what happens to your body and why heart break can physically feel excruciating. We must truly go through the stages of grief to get past our heartbreak and that means we must FEEL it. Not cover it up, but allow ourselves to process. Many times we re-create the heartbreak by stalking on social media, using coping mechanisms that are unhealthy such as getting drunk, sleeping with other people or moving on right away. Truth is, we need to FEEL our anger, feel our sadness and choose to shift our perspective and see the situation in a different light to gain acceptance. Surround yourself with people who will allow you to be in feeling, empathize and then call you out when you have stayed stuck in it for too long. Begin to do things that will allow you to see your worth, your beauty and true essence so that you can love yourself through the heartbreak.

Question 6. What are great romantic date ideas?

Oh this is fun 🙂 Some ideas…..Have a picnic on your living room floor (or any other room you’d like). Create a scavenger hunt for you and your partner to do together in your town. Put some date ideas of your own in a jar and pick it out. Go restaurant hopping where you pick a place for a drink and appetizer and don’t tell your partner and he does the same for your next spot. Watch the sunset somewhere with a nice bottle of wine and a speaker with music playing.

Question 7. How do you handle cohabitation and splitting up household chores?

I think anything that has to do with cohabitation, living together and doing chores requires COMMUNICATION! Sit down and have a conversation about what things are needed from each other. Discuss what each of you feels is good to split, what person will handle the laundry, cleaning, picking up, etc. It’s so important to talk about it and come up with a plan you both are comfortable with. It also allows you to get clear and detailed about how you want the household to work.

Question 8. How do you deal with betrayal?

Betrayal is going to happen in relationships. From the little white lie to a huge deal breaker. I think it is important to get clear on what types of betrayal you are willing to work on. For example, if your partner cheats on you, you can decide if that is something you would want to try and get past or not. In those types of situations, my recommendation would definitely be to seek professional help. When it comes to little white lies I believe you need to be able to see if this was a one time thing or a continuous habit. Address it head on, talk to your partner with an open and loving heart to express how the betrayal has hurt you. How your partner reacts will determine your next steps.

Question 9. What is Love?

Love is unconditional. It doesn’t keep score, it doesn’t blame, it sees the flaws of the other and chooses to love them anyway. It is open, it is vulnerable, it is willing to learn and grow and flourish.

Question 10. How do you keep love alive?

You keep love alive by letting go of being right in order to stay connected to the other person. So many times we choose, unconsciously, to let our ego lead the way of our relationships. Love is pure, it is kind and doesn’t keep a guard up. Keeping the love going takes a conscious effort to making time for the other person, to forgive when they have hurt you and to put their needs before your own. If you have date nights, do something THEY want to do. If they need love and support, give it to them. When you both are coming from this heart space, love can’t die.