I have to admit that even as a dating coach, I used to make the same mistakes as you have and continue to do. In fact, I emotionally invested too early in relationships because I wanted to feel loved, even when I recognized all the red flags flashing in front of my face. I understand how hard it is, and with every relationship, I promised myself not to repeat the same mistake. But then I would get carried away, and all because I hoped that the person had genuine intentions as I did. I was burned a lot of times, but I learned valuable lessons that I would love to share with you:
These are the most common signs that you should watch for:
- She/he is not finding time to spend time with you, and also making a lot of excuses why you can’t see one another. Sometimes the excuses might seem legit, but the reality is if the person really wants you in their life, she/he will make time no matter what. It is simply a matter of preferences
- He/she will not make any effort to see you at your convenience. This essentially means that the person will always ask you to come to their place. The effort in seeing you will be very low and without any excitement. It might sound like a super exciting moment for you, but truly, you are just filling up space on their calendar
- When someone makes a list of things/qualities as to why you should not be together, instead of a list of exciting things as to why you are the most amazing person, you might try to defeat the list. However, in their head, you are not the one, and he/she just makes excuses as to why you should not be together and you have no power to control it.
- Do not invest before you have a talk about a committed relationship. The person has no obligation to report to you anything concerning what she/he is doing in their free time. You are the one who hopes and has ideas about what it should all be about, but the reality is different. Not everyone is the same as you are, that is, faithful and hoping for a long lasting relationship. Your expectations make you invest too early and ultimately cause a broken heart.
- He/she will never introduce you to their friends and family because you are not the important person for him/her, and he/she doesn’t want to show you to others. There are better options that she/he has to show to friends, but the reality is that you are not the one to be presented to close friends.
- She/he will never make future plans with you, and even though you might try to talk about a wonderful vacation or places to visit, you are always turned down with excuses and never see those places.
The emotional investment comes with expectations that one-day things will change and he/she will invest into the relationship as much as you do. Unfortunately, this is an illusion that you created with your own expectations, and if you see those red flags, do not emotionally invest. Take a step aside and focus on what is important: YOU!
