Every woman is seeking a good guy. What makes a good guy? Is it a stable income and career? The way he treats his family? Or is it the kind way he shows appreciate for you? Every woman has a view of what their ideal “good guy” to be. Women want a guy that is kind, treats her well, and respects her. The looks, the charm, the flashy car is great but you can’t feel comforted and connected to a materialistic good or a title. Women focus to much on the outside of a person and the list of credentials. It’s great to have a good looking guy, but if he treats you like garbage it’s just a pretty package with a crappy product. Choose someone with substance rather than cheap flash.
We want to introduce Erik Lothbrok a dating expert our real life “HITCH”
Question 1: How do we create the perfect online dating profile?
The short answer is we want to capture a “range” of emotions and demonstrate that we are DYNAMIC with many different aspects to our personality. Most people think that creating a great online profile is about telling another person about ourselves in a very matter of fact way. There are subtle ways to spruce our profiles up, however. How to inject emotion, humor, and a touch of creativity that will separate us from the average person is an ART form. These little under the radar tactics by themselves don’t amount to much, but when we combine them together, we create an attention grabbing profile that says “This person is different.” There are a variety of adjustments that can be made to profile content, pictures, and structure to achieve this. Our profile is an advertisement. We are advertising a product; ourselves. Our advertisements need to hook the person’s attention and trigger a desire to learn more about the product.
Question 2: What are some great ideas for a first date?
This question is highly dependent on the person. Some people prefer traditional dates like dinner and drinks. Others appreciate unique dates like a cooking class or a comedy show. Typically, when meeting someone online it’s best to start with something simple and easy to “eject” from if need be like coffee or tea. Personally, I take this a step further and ask the woman if she’s open to a “phone date” before meeting in person. I ask if she’s free to talk for a half hour or so. This accomplishes several things… It lets the woman know that I’m excited to meet her, but that I’m not desperate like many guys are. It implies that I’m selective and that my time is valuable. It allows me to screen the woman a little bit before meeting up. I may even make a joke about this; “Hey, I know face to face is the best way to get to know someone, but I think when meeting someone online, it’s best to start with a “phone” date or two… That way I can make sure you’re not too crazy! 🙂 Are you free on Thursday around 7:00pm?” I’ve found that “most” women appreciate talking on the phone before meeting up so they can get a feel for me, as well. It’s safe. It’s fun. It makes sense to start small.
Question 3: Can women ask men out? Why or Why not?
Women can absolutely ask men out. Most women are surprised to learn just how nervous guys can be making that first move. Many men experience a full blown adrenaline rush when approaching women and moving an interaction forward. Most men, including men that appear confident on the surface, have a certain degree of nervous emotion that takes hold when approaching, showing interest, asking a woman out, and physically engaging a woman. Many men are in fact GREAT guys, but their nervousness stifles their personality and causes them to appear awkward and weird when attempting to express their feelings and ask a woman out. I think when a woman takes the initiative it can be very refreshing and I think there’s a general trend towards women being more bold and going after what they want. Most women at some point have wanted a guy to ask them out, he wanted to ask her out, but she thought she couldn’t make the first move and he was too nervous to do it. I guarantee this has happened to virtually everyone more than a few times.
Question 4: How can you spot a player?
There are many ways to spot a player and unfortunately there’s no 100% surefire way to do so. Some men (and women) are such regular liars that they lie as naturally as they breathe. They can intuitively and spontaneously craft quick on the spot lies to get what they want, or they can craft more elaborate premeditated lies. It’s very sad that these men don’t realize the damage that they do to women, their reputation, and their own self-esteem. They send a damaging message to themselves over a long period of time; “I’m so bad with women that I have to lie to get what I want.” That’s an incredibly damaging message to send to yourself over the course of a lifetime. Here’s a quick tip for spotting a player: Congruence Testing: Is what the person saying matching up with their non-verbal cues. Do they tell you they’re looking for a long-term relationship with a steady voice, , steady emotion, good eye contact, and can they elaborate and articulate “why” they’re looking for something long term? Or are they “agreeing” with everything that you say? Someone that “agrees” with EVERYTHING you say “can” be a red flag.
Question 5: How can we cope with heartbreak?
I’ve found that a broken heart needs to run its course. We cannot force a heart to heal. Here are two things that I’ve learned NOT to do when going through heartache. 1) Don’t drink. When going through a hard breakup you’ve likely had someone with good intentions tell you to have a few drinks. I’ve found that this just distorts our thinking and suppresses emotions that need to be dealt with. Drinking may temporarily relieve the stress, but then the feelings bounce back stronger. 2) Don’t force yourself to not think about your broken heart. Again, closely tied to #1 you’ve likely had someone with good intentions advise you to “not think about it” when trying to heal your broken heart. I’ve found this doesn’t work. If I try to swim a basketball to the bottom of a pool I might be able to hold it down there for a little while, but sooner or later I need to breathe and my body is going to tire out. That ball is going to need to bob to the surface. When dealing with a broken heart it’s best to ALLOW your emotions to do what they need to do and come to the surface. The only way to cope with a broken heart is to ALLOW it to heal. Trust your emotions, even the negative ones. They’re communicating with you. Sometimes resisting the painful feelings by forcing ourselves to think about other things or drinking just makes it worse. Don’t try to heal your broken heart. Allow your broken heart to heal you. If the pain becomes overbearing then it might be time to seek professional help.
Question 6. What are great romantic date ideas?
I think the best “romantic” date ideas are the traditional ones. Dinner at a restaurant that’s a little bit nicer than usual, good conversation, and romantic sex to cap off the evening is a great way to go. Why reinvent the wheel? Cooking a meal together, watching a good movie at home, dessert of some kind, and romantic sex is another good way to go. I think the key distinction between a regular date and a romantic date is the pace of the evening. Romance to me is symbolic of indulgence and savoring the moment. Slow it down and soak it up.
Question 7. How do you handle cohabitation and splitting up household chores?
Communication is key. It’s important to recognize that nobody is going to mesh up perfectly in this department, too. Usually one person is more “proactive” about getting the chores done, while the other waits until chores “need” to be done. When playing house with someone, it’s likely too lately to change the way someone is so there’s a certain amount of acceptance that needs to take place. Your partner may not be as tidy as you, but they may pick up some slack in another department of the relationship so go easy on them. This is not to say that you can’t encourage them and try to set standards of cohabitation though.
Question 8. How do you deal with betrayal?
Personally, I don’t deal with it. If you won’t do it in front of me, you shouldn’t be doing it when I’m not around. I’m looking to build a beautiful life with someone. I want to have children that are healthy, happy, moral, and successful. I don’t want my partner spreading their energy elsewhere with other people behind my back. I want both of us to be combining our energy and pouring that energy into our children. If my partner is taking even 5% of their time and energy and doing something behind my back, then we only have 95% of their energy to devote to our kids and building our life together. I need my partner to keep it 100% with me. I understand that things get messier when kids are already a part of the equation, but it’s important to be vigilant of the example you’re setting for your kids as well. I want my kids to see what healthy, honest, and trusting love looks like. I think that one of the keys to dealing with betrayal is communicating early on in the relationship and learning your partners thoughts on betrayal. Is it not worth it to them to get caught and ruin a relationship or do they have a problem with betrayal for more fundamental and well thought out reasons? Ask.
Question 9. What is Love?
Love is just one of those things that you know and feel in your heart. Sometimes a person has everything that you think you want on paper… Looks, good career, and a great personality, but there’s something that you’re not feeling on a “gut” level. Other times a person doesn’t seem to have the surface qualities that you want, but there’s just something about them that makes you FEEL alive. You know it when you FEEL it if you ask me! Love is also very much a verb and it’s important that we DO things for those that we love, too.
Question 10. How do you keep love alive?
I heard a WONDERFUL piece of advice from a man that was married for over 50 years… He said, “I court my wife every single day.” I think it’s important to never feel as if you’ve “won” the game. The game never ends. I’m always looking to improve myself in mind, body, and spirit for my lover. I’m always looking to flirt with my significant other, amaze them, take them to do fun things, and make them feel as if they’re living life to the fullest. Of course we all need a break from time to time and it’s important to be able to relax with your partner, but never drop the ball and slip into laziness. Keep it alive!
Granted, finding the right guy can be a heartbreaking task. However, if there’s anything I’ve learned from being single it’s that my happiness can only be determined by myself and if I’m not happy by myself, I will be unhappy even with Mr. Right by my side.
Get a life: Build your personal structure first. If you are selfish and easily agitated, finding love will not change any of this, similarly if you are lazy, finding a hardworking man will not magically challenge you to be better. It’s all in you.
Getting back on the dating wagon demands that you get your sexy on. Dress decently to accentuate your strong features and have heads turning for all the right reasons.
Their values, cultures, character traits, future plans. This way you know exactly when to back off from the wrong guy.
Mr. Right won’t come looking door to door. Join dating sites, go for blind dates, attend social functions and I can guarantee you’ll be out of the singles league in no time.
Being single can have it’s charms while you are venturing out on the dating scene searching for Mr. Right. Many single women are searching for love, companionship, and “the one”. It can be a journey filled with happiness and heartbreak. One thing that is constant is one self and the belief they can improve. We all can improve our relationships skills. We are on constant stream on learning new things as we grow into the people we will become. Why not focus on improving our relationships starting with the most important person yourself.
Being comfortable alone, go eat out, go to a movie, find some place to be fully comfortable with yourself. How can we expect other people to be happy with us if we can’t be happy alone? It is necessary to not use bad toxic relationships as a crutch simply because we don’t want to be alone. It is only when you have developed confidence that you can truly open yourself up to finding the right person or letting them find you.
We have the great pleasure of interviewing our first guru Anita Chilpala LMFT. She has focused her career on helping singles and couples build stronger relationship skills to live happier, healthier lives. Check her out at http://relationshipreality312.com/.
1. How can we find love?
A: People have to be open to finding love. Timing is very important. Online dating is a great easy way to meet people. Other options include meeting people through friends, events, meetup groups, and simply out enjoy your hobbies.
2. What some great first date ideas?
A: Go to a bar get drinks, Get a cup of coffee or tea and local coffee house, Keep it simple.
3. Once the honeymoon phase ends what are some great ways to keep the passion going?
A: Remember to be vulnerable share parts of yourself, be flirty with one another, get out of your routine do activities that excite you again.
4.How do see the institution of marriage changing?
A: Marriage has been proven to bring lifelong satisfaction. We need to start making education on marriage and how to have healthy relationships. People need to have access to information on how to make successful marriages work.
5. What are great ways of coping with heartbreak?
A: Avoiding places that you frequented with your ex. Plan a new routine, plan outings with friends, get off social media (unfriend them), keep busy set new professional and personal goals.
6. How can we end our relationships in least painful way?
A. Each individual needs to be honest and gentle. Communicate with one another to manage the conflict go see a marriage counselor.
7. When do we jump back into the dating scene?
A. Pay attention to your body. Trust your gut and instincts. If you are having fun and not thinking about your ex then it is time to start dating again.
8. Ways to Love yourself?
A. Stop being so critical of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Understand your worth!
9. What does love mean to you?
A. Giving and keeping your partner elevated. Your words and actions have to match. Love is a deep sense of joy and fulfillment.
10. What are your tips to keeping love alive?
Attention, Attention, Attention! Make sure you are getting validation and feel appreciated by your partner.
Stay flirty and show your sexual attraction to one another
Understand you are a unit