When Does Finances Come to Play in Romance? By Expert Deitra Laniece

Deitra Laniece has been mentoring millennials  to have finical freedom with her company Money Noggin. Here are tips on talking money with your romantic partner.


He’s your dream guy. Tall, Dark, and Fine.

You had a few amazing dates where he showered you with flowers, was a complete gentleman, but something is off.

Not sure what it is but you blow it off anyway.

After a few months dating you realize what’s been nagging you. You noticed some red flags.

He’s hung up on phone calls from what sounds like bill collectors and now he just wants stay in and watch TV every weekend.

You can see a future with him but can he even afford to buy a ring, if it comes to that point?

Finance is the last conversation that happens when you are madly in love, but it’s one of the biggest causes for divorce.

So let’s take a little close look at when to introduce the finance conversation into the relationship.

Before Talking Look for Signs of Financial Troubles

When you first start dating, you are just feeling out if he’s a match and maybe if he makes you smile a lot.

In this time frame, just notice how he acts when it comes to money.

Does he flash his money everywhere? Does he make negative side remarks when it comes to the restaurant tab? Maybe you notice he uses his credit card quite a bit.

All of these might be signs for you, but continue to enjoy your time and just keep them in mind if the relationship gets serious later on.

Don’t fret yet, just enjoy the attention and the conversation, but take note.

Gradually Bring Up Future Financial Goals

After a few dates, you start getting to know each other more.

Mention your future financial goals, like eventually owning your own home, paying for college in cash, or saving for a dream vacation.

When you mention these, see how he reacts. Does he seem scared or intimidated? Does he get excited with you?

These will help you get a good idea if he values the same things financially as you do.

Which is super important if you can see a future with him.

Now, do not talk about your dream of having a $20k wedding right off the bat.

That will scare a majority of guys even if they are financially secure.

Bring up wedding goals later on in the relationship, when you’re talking about more serious stuff like engagement.

After Getting Serious, Then Get Serious about Where Each of You Stand Financially

By this time, you’ve talked about moving in together or possibly getting engaged.

This is prime time to get into the nitty gritty of finances.

When you are getting as serious as living together or marriage, it’s time to understand exactly where each other stands.

Because whatever debt is brought into this relationship now, will affect you if you decide to purchase large ticket items together in the future, like a house, car, or renting an apartment.

Keep your debts prior to the marriage separate and keep focused on paying those debts off before getting any new debt together.

If your engaged, this is time frame you can sit down go over your finances and plan a wedding budget that will reflect both of your financial goals.

If one person is struggling financially, consider a financial coach to help you build a plan that will get you both on board towards building a financially secure future together.

Just like if your morals and ethics don’t match, your relationship will not work, so will your financial values.

If you value nice things, but your future spouse is super thrifty, you will for sure hit some major road blocks in your relationship.

These issues need to be ironed out with a financial coach before the relationship gets further along.

So bring up the financial conversation little by little. By the time you get serious, the money talk will be much easier to handle.

And if he’s not a financial match, at least you saved yourself from some potential future money headaches.